Welcome to the colorful mind of Batte!

This blog was developed to share the strange, off-colored and often hilarious comments that tumble from the lips of Ashley Batte, often before she realizes what she's said. Over the course of the few years that I've known Batte (pronounced Ba-Tay), I've kept notes on all of the odd things she says, and while I'll occasionally add context to how these quotes came about, most of the time it's irrelevant. Enjoy, and hopefully you won't get offended.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

About Damn Time...

I know, it's been more than half an year, but I finally have some more of my notes. So without further ado, Miss Ashley Batte...

In response to me stating "I'm checking my grades."
Batte: "What?!? Oh, I heard something totally different. I heard "I'm dissecting grapes".

Out of nowhere...
Batte: "Dang... I still have soda in my nose."

Batte: "Ugh, I choked on spit!"

While eating ribs...
Batte: I don't want to get any of this in my eyes..."

After looks of stupification all around, it was followed by...
Batte: You guys don't know! You've never had meat in your eye!"

Batte walked out of a relatively cold building, to walk across the parking lot during 120 + degree heat, walked into my office, to say...
"Cornbread sounds so good right now",
and then walked back across the parking lot, and back into her office.

On a side tangent, Batte (for some reason) HATES the word moist. With that being said...

Me:" Batte, what's better than a moist cake?"
Batte: " A fluffy iced cake. Oh, or better yet, a fluffy muffin!"

More to follow, eventually.

Friday, December 17, 2010

The first of many...

We'll start with some of the first ones I wrote down.  There are many more to come, but my notes are scattered everywhere, and I have to consolidate.  So here we go.

Me: Batte, what's your favorite food?

Batte: Chicken, of course!

Me: What type of chicken?

Batte: (Picture black woman head-bob) Fried Chicken! Oh... Fuck...

Batte: I hate Tyrese's greased up black ass! He's just so...so... greasy looking!

Batte: I have this nightmare where I fall out of a window into a room full of penises.

Batte: I'm eating...wait... I'm drinking man coffee.  With man cream.

I'll post more soon, hope you enjoy...